


trials and errors

by candidshot



Series: stories from an alternate universe [24]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU, Alec is a librarian, M/M, Magnus is a nightclub owner, Not Lovers Not Friends, With A Twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-07-31 04:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20109460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candidshot/pseuds/candidshot
Summary: Alec has been chasing after Magnus for a while now but each time gets refused... except this one time.chap 13/13: endings are a piece of shit





	1. first trial - prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec makes a giant step forward

In the beginning, it was trial and error.

“Magnus, I’ve loved you for a while now, so I think it’s time you take responsibility”.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Responsibility. Be a man and take responsibility”.  
  
Without giving away much, Magnus folded his arms as though contemplating what Alec had just said, “…fine”.  
  
“Really?” Alec's eyes flashed open for as it were, he'd expected to be rejected just like all those other times.   
  
“I mean why not?" Magnus shrugged, "You're not giving up, are you?”

"Not by a long shot", Alec's whole face perked up with a grin.

"But...", Magnus just as quickly dampered his glee.  
  
“But?”  
  
“But only because I’m curious to know what you think I can do for you”.

"No, it's not like I--"

"Anyhow...", Magnus cut him off before he could finish, "Let it worth my while, will you?... both our while, for that matter", he laughed as though scorning the whole situation.

The heart in Alec's chest, sank.  
  
In the beginning it was no doubt trials and errors but,   
  
“I’m in”.

"Okay soldier".

In the end, only trials remain. 


	2. first error: the virgin in pandemonium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec lost a dare and then met Magnus.

Serious people really shouldn't fall in love.

.

On the far side of Brooklyn, down an alley off the main street was stuffed an extravagant nightclub named, Pandemonium.

Apparently,

Alec had lost a dare with his siblings.

"Ok, I change my mind", Alec started to sweat, "I can't just walk into a night club filled with hooligans and hit on the first one my eyes fall on".

"Nope!", Jace took a sip of his beer, giving Alec the 'you can't escape side grin'.

Isabelle was also of no help. "There's nothing to worry about, Alec'", she sat beside him slurping her smoothie through a straw, "You have good-looking in your genes so there's no way you won't get laid".

Alec is not only socially awkward and a virgin but also an honourable man. So he gave up trying to immediately escape and had instead decided to save it for the actual day when he'd indeed show up, make a quick browse then just as swiftly make a U-turn and leave.

And he did just that.

He walked in, cringed at the loud music and squinted from the blinding flashing lights in the excessively dimmed room when in all five seconds, he did a pivot but then stopped on his toes when a man in makeup on the large leather chair left him awestruck.

Alec, the socially awkward virgin, found himself staring and his hungry bedazzaled stare must've been burning for the man he thought beautiful looked over and sent him a smile and the said man must've liked what he saw for he then left the comfort of his chair that was garnished in the company of a quarter dozen women and men and like walking on air on a feather, he floundered over to Alec.

"Well, you look delicious", the man greeted, the perfect prey that was Alec locked in his smokey-eyes. "I'm Magnus".

Alec coughed and could barely find his voice, "You're really beautiful… ah— no… I mean, I'm not saying you're not beautiful but… argh," he finally inhaled deeply then exhaled, "I'm Alec and I'm a mess".

Magnus did chuckle a bit, the smokiness in Magnus's eyes clouded over in even more mischief as he looked Alec up and down with a smile tinted in a shade that should've been enough to tip Alec off to run but, "Well Alec, what do you say we make a mess out of pillows?"

Alec looked at him surprised, his heart beating loud like canons at war. "You mean like a pillow fight?"

The look in Magnus's eyes was a true blend of intrigue and confusion. "We can do that after the main event".

Alec;

Alec was a virgin but by no means was he an idiot. "Your place or mine?"

"Neither", Magnus replied, his tone hesitant as though surprised but the look in his eyes was wild and satisfied, "I've a room in the back reserved exactly for this sort of fun".

Holding his breath, trying to steady the pounding his heart was sending, Alec hid his hands in his pocket, hiding his trembling while mentally cursing Jace and Isabelle for the dilemma he was trapped in.

Alec sighed.

Truly, since long ago, he'd always known that serious people shouldn't fall in love and yet—

"Not having second thoughts already, are we?" Magnus asked him with eyes unblinking... almost like another dare.

"Of course not," Alec flashed his best smile but which was soon smashed into pieces the millisecond they entered the room and Magnus backed him against the door and leaned in close.

Pray tell,

How does one leap from A to J without touching B, C or even E?

Alec will tell you;

They'd clearly made an error.

And so did he.


	3. love for sex, sex for love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is in for a night of discovery and a morning of coffee.

Alec's first kiss tasted like gin swirled over with a soft tongue.

But surely, sex was a thing Alec had goodly known about. It was just that, before meeting Magnus and having Magnus's tongue in his mouth, Alec had only found men sexy and on rare occasions, one or two of those said sexy men would leave him feeling hot... but then, the heat would soon dissipate and he'd go back to feeling numb.

Perhaps, in another life he would be living the sexless life of a monk but—

"How rude", Magnus breathed across his neck, "I have one hand in your pants and the other pinching your nipples and yet your mind is somewhere else".

Alec trembled. Not only did he feel hot but his forehead was also sweating and the words he wanted to speak kept coming out in sounds he never knew he had. 

Magnus smirked at him. "Alec, you're about to have the time of your life".

Alec didn't doubt it.

.

Cracking his eyes pretending to still be sleeping, Alec concluded that Magnus wasn't a bad person. In fact, in true deduction, Magnus's only fault is that Alec loved him at first sight and loved him even more after sleeping with him.

Alec could smell the deep rich roast of coffee and before he could continue to pretend sleeping, he heard a tray made a purposeful noise against the table.

It was his cue to not just wake up but to get up.

But of course he couldn’t break his act so suddenly so he slowly stirred, blinking one eye closed as the morning light hit his pupils and all was going well until... he actually tried to sit up and felt a stinging pain in his ass.

“Oh easy there”, Magnus sat on the opposite piece of sofa, “For a man your height and size, you surely fit right into my muscles”.

Suddenly, the thrill of their last night dragged his memory of Magnus kissing him and licking him and teasing him and entering him and pleasuring him and how he came more than once— which confused him looking down at himself because the last thing he remembered after their last round was how spent he was, huffing out of breath and dizzy from their high. He was also hot and sticky with sweat and semen so why was he in a t-shirt that wasn't his and in shorts that wasn't his and feeling clean like he had taken a shower after but… but that would've been impossible so— he then spotted a wet towel near where Magnus was sitting. The heat in Alec's chest wasn't from the coffee he was about to sipped, “Or more like you got greedy”, he finally tried to settle, though barely sitting lest he meant himself further pain.

"Well, you didn't make it easy for me to resist", Magnus laughed, subtle and royal and Alec ended up loving him a little bit more.

Alec sighed out loud and put down the coffee cup. "That was my first time".

"I know", Magnus smiled, taking up his cup of coffee, "So let me tell you from now, don't you dare think anything stupid like falling in love with me".

Alec looked across at him, half his face still hidden behind the cup, "What if I say it's too late?

Magnus flashed him this amused yet tired grin. "There are two kinds of people, Alec", he put his coffee mug down and leaned all the way back into the sofa, "Those who fall in love to have sex, and those who have sex to fall in love".

Alec shifted his weight to his other leg. Based on what had happened to him all his life to that moment, he would say he fell into the second category… maybe… since meeting Magnus, his black and white life had been turning grey with blurred edges, "So which one are you?" he looked up at Magnus and asked.

The look Magnus gave him was almost as though he was caught off guard but the confidence he held since the beginning took over and he said, "I simply have sex".

"Then wouldn't that mean there are three types of people?" Alec put down his cup, "Sex for love, love for sex and then, you".

"It's time you leave", Magnus took up the tray with the coffee mugs and turned away from Alec.

Taking his time, Alec stood up, looking around for his clothes. They were strewn over the floor leading from the door in where Magnus had stripped him.

How interesting… Magnus could strip him, make a sweet mess of him, clean him up, redress him then wake up early and make them coffee but not pick his clothes off the floor.

Jumping into his trousers, Alec asked, "Can I see you again?"

"Why would you?" Magnus looked at him as though slightly annoyed, "I already fucked you so what more could you possibly want? That's why you came to the club last night, right?" And he actually hissed his teeth grumbling words Alec couldn't make out then said, "If it's another favour you want, just name it", he turned around and sighed, "Like everyone else, I'll fix your problem for you so tell me, what is it you need my help with?"

Alec honestly had no idea what this was man talking about but he figured that if he didn't answer with needing a favour then he'd be cancelled and forgotten the millisecond he turned his back.

"I have a crush on this person, you see", Alec told him.

"So?" Magnus looked at him with a confused frown.

"So…", Alec hauled his shirt over his head, "I need you to help me woo him".

"Woo him?" Magnus laughed, "Are you thinking of going Shakespearean on him?"

"What if I say, yes?"

"Then I’ll tell you, you’re wasting your time. Shakespeare is dead and so is love so hurry and get dressed and go home. I can't help you".

Alec would admit that getting his ass stretched and pounded for the first time was a lot less painful than the tightening pain he then felt in his heart. And while he finally knew what sex felt like, he wasn't sure about love because the last time he checked, it wasn't supposed to feel like a thousand splinters sticking him with every breath he took.

.

When he got home minutes after seven, Isabelle and Jace rushed to the door with a worried look, "Alec! What the hell?! We called you a million times why didn't you answer?"

Alec was about to sit when he remembered his dilemma so he leaned against the wall. "I thought it rude to answer a call in the middle of sex".

Both Isabelle and Jace went silent, their eyes growing big with curiosity.

"You didn't…" Isabelle's eyes shone bright, begging for details.

"I did", Alec smiled, still leaning against the wall, his head full of Magnus and the warm brown in his eyes, "Izzy, Jace… I think I found love but he turned me down".

His brother and sister looked at him, their smile is still around their lips but it was slowly fading in their eyes.

It then dawned on them that they should've known that such a dare for Alec was dangerous. Alec was too serious and too straightforward and too inexperienced and now he'd mistaken his ability to have sex with a total stranger, for love.

"Magnus… oh Magnus", Alec whispered, a sweet smile on his lips as he took his time and went upstairs to his room. "I can't wait to see him again".

And as Jace and Isabelle watched him go, bolts of worry and regret cornered them.

They would've to fix it.


	4. love is neither free nor complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Was that your girlfriend?" Alec asked after securing Magnus in a rhythmless twirl.
> 
> Magnus looked at him amused.

Falling in love is a sort of tit for tat irony;  
.

.

.

Love isn't complicated. People are.

But Magnus wasn't even complicated.

He was jaded— and that was probably worse.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone", he walked up to Alec and said.

Alec looked down at the drink in Magnus's hand, "I believe I asked you for a favour".

"And I believe I told you, _not happening"_, Magnus wrinkled his forehead, hissing upon finding his glass empty, "So I suggest you quit while I'm still nice".

All that, and Alec just licked his lips and imagined things;

The loud music, the flashing lights, a bar full of cocktails and a saucy crowd— and yet, none of that could distract Alec from Magnus’s lips and him wanting to kiss them. “Then suppose I switch from Shakespearean to something less… dead, as you put to it?”

Alec didn't miss the sliver of interest in the quick double blink Magnus did, "You're really annoying, you know that?" exasperation in his breathing.

Alec laughed, "I prefer, persistent", he then called over a server to replace Magnus's empty glass, "So tell me, where do I start?"

Magnus looked at him with eyes like he was about to take on a hefty challenge. "For starters", he began, pulling his whole face in a horrified look blended in with disdain, "Get rid of that acid wash jeans you're wearing. It's hideous".

Alec was left surprised and speechless even as Magnus walked away. But he then grinned so wide he cheeks would soon start hurting… and just like that, he trailed behind Magnus with a grin, "Consider it done!"

Magnus sighed and rolled his eyes, "Seriously, why do you keep following me?"

"Well, there's a primary reason", Alec bounced when he caught up to Magnus, "But the secondary reason is that you won't give me your number".

Just so, with Alec tagging behind, Magnus made his way to his usual leather chair in his usual corner of Pandemonium and when Alec wouldn't let any of the boys and gyals get close to him, Magnus thought, _"I might need a repellant for this one"._

.

However, the next time Alec showed up he nearly choked on the scene that he saw; Magnus sharing a kiss with a woman on the dance floor. Alec could feel the big leap his heart took. The first time he met Magnus left him happy and giddy but he was sure they did_ this and that_ to each other. His ass come next morning was sure testimony.

But Alec was never a rash man so he waited for his turn and when it came he scooped Magnus in his arms and turned because he really didn't know how to dance.

"Was that your girlfriend?" He asked after securing Magnus in his rhythmless twirl.

Magnus looked at him amused, "Me answering makes no difference".

"Maybe not to you but it does to me", Alec turned around again like a cart wheel being pulled down a pebble street.

Magnus raised a hopeful eyebrow. "If I answer will you finally give me back my peace?"

"I don't believe I took it," Alec returned, still attempting to dance by spinning Magnus around to the point where he, Alec, started to feel dizzy. So Magnus stopped him from moving and Alec just stood there catching his breath while looking at him, "So, is she your girlfriend? Just a friend? Perhaps a fuckbuddy? I'm fully prepared for battle".

From the look Magnus gave him, Alec could tell he'd gained some points.

Magnus on the other hand… there was just something about failed first loves that put Magnus at ease— like a reinforcement that he was right and the red heart and its nonsense were— "Really, what do you want from me?" He asked, his eyes curious, somewhat hopeful.

Alec made a thinking sound, _nothing and yet everything,_ he wanted to answer but instead replied, "The same thing I want you to want from me".

Magnus ignored him for the rest of the night.

.

When everyone was home or perhaps halfway there, Alec waited for Magnus outside, downstairs.

"What are you doing now?" Magnus asked.

Alec wrinkled his forehead like he was asked something ridiculous, "About to walk you home, of course", he answered, looking Magnus straight in the eye, "Beautiful people shouldn't walk alone this late at night".

Magnus arched an eyebrow, "Well for one, it’s not night. It's early morning", he walked ahead, "And in case you haven't noticed, I'm a man".

"Doesn't change the fact that you're beautiful", Alec shrugged.

"Well then I'll have you know that I have a black belt in judo".

"Great!" Alec exclaimed, "So you can protect me while I protect you".

"How does that make any sense?"

"You'll see".

Magnus didn't say anything. With Alec quietly following in his footsteps, not long after, they stood at the entrance to Magnus's apartment.

"I'm not going to invite you in", Magnus told him point blank, a little smirk on his lips showing he knew what Alec was hoping.

"I'm a patient man, Magnus Bane".

And again, Magnus was caught by surprise, "Why do you know my full name? I never told you".

Alec smiled a bit shyly but proud, "Well not only am I patient, I'm also resourceful and resilient about what I want".

"And what do you want?", Magnus's eyes narrowed at him, trying to read him.

"I'm not gonna tell you tonight". 

"And why not?"

"Because if I tell you now, then chances are you'll forget about me and fancy some other pretty boy but, if I don't tell you then you'll at least spend tonight thinking about me".

Magnus actually laughed. "Some other pretty boy?" He looked at Alec amused, "Don't you feel a bit embarrassed drooling all over yourself?"

"Why should I?" Alec flashed a daring smile while he slowly backed away, "Sweet dreams, Mr. Bane".

Magnus watched him go.

"He's like a dog", he mumbled with a light chuckle, watching Alec still frantically waving at him. "Isn't he going to stop?"

"Does it matter?" Someone suddenly asked, "You're smiling, anyhow".

When Magnus looked around in the direction of the voice, a smile came to his lips as he asked, "Are you sleeping over tonight?"

"I suppose I am", the woman laughed, getting into the elevator with him, “So, who was that?”

Magnus released a sigh, “Trouble”, he said, “Nothing but trouble”.

The woman chuckled. “Well, nothing wrong with indulging him a little”.

“I suppose so”, Magnus sighed, letting her in his apartment, “I mean, he really does have a pretty face and a tight ass”.

And at that,

They both laughed.


	5. when in doubt, go to the library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec met Magnus in daylight at the most unlikely place. He also gave Magnus the most unlikely gift.

The next time Alec saw Magnus, Magnus was looking royal in a plain white dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up and leather brown suspenders attached to his khaki trousers. He also wore a bowtie with a sassiness of eyeliner and smokey eyes.

It was the first time Alec had seen Magnus in broad daylight and just seconds in staring at the apple of his eye under the naked sun, Alec's heart didn't know what to do with itself.

"I swear, I'm not stalking you", he went up to Magnus and said, a grin radiant and thankful on his face.

Magnus, on the other hand, just looked him up and down from head to toe— his whole face motionless as though caught by surprise, "It's New York City in the middle of downtown so, l find that very hard to believe".

Alec grinned, "Fate?" 

“More like misery”, Magnus turned to leave. They were in front of a library that also housed a coffee counter.

"Going in?" Alec asked, suddenly perky following behind, "Lucky me, I like reading too".

"No one asked", Magnus opened the door and went inside. It was an ordinary café anyone could expect downtown, a bit and musky but had that old time flair that would attract any old soul who was into coffee and reading. Long ago, Magnus used to come to this library and bury his conflictions in books and silence. "What's your take on libraries, anyway?"

It was a strange way to pose the question, but Alec knew he was being tested, "Books and more books and a lot of books", he nonetheless answered, a little hopeful since Magnus actually initiated the twist in conversation. "Though, it's not just filled with knowledge, it's also packed with imagination" and from the angle they're standing, Magnus's back was slightly turned as he browsed the shelves but Alec could've sworn he saw a little smile. "Well if you need me, I'll be over at the book counter".

Magnus spun around and looked at him confused but Alec just smiled as he pinned on his name tag, "What? I did tell you I wasn't stalking you".

And Magnus—

As it turned out, Alec was a librarian and if it were a point system, then Alec had automatically gained twenty.

But Magnus didn't give Alec the benefit of satisfaction. Instead, he only looked Alec up and down with his usual eye of curiosity and said, "You're not just a pretty face, are you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alec asked, forehead crinkled in wonder. 

"Nothing", Magnus shrugged, "Now shoo, I'm about to start my morning reading".

Alec let him go.

It didn't take long for an hour to wander by.

"A friend of yours?" A fellow librarian approached him.

"What makes you ask?" Alec blushed.

And that tint of cheery brought a smile to Maia's jaws, "Wait, don't tell me that's the nightclub guy you can't shut up about?"

"He's hot, isn't he?" Alec boasted, the flush on his cheeks from his excitement got brighter and brighter.

"That, I won't deny", Maia continued to stare at Magnus, "But I expected someone flashier with gold chains and ripped jeans and perhaps wearing grills looking messy with his shirt open… not someone so preppy looking and— oh, and his nails are well done".

"He wears eyeliners and glitters too", Alec smiled, completely switched on by everything Magnus.

Maia smiled at him, "I've never seen you this excited over anything or anyone for that matter".

"Well, what can I say?" He scanned a book that was just returned, "He's my first love and I intend to get him".

"So you've said", she took the book from him and placed it in the cart for return to the shelf, "But, does he know that?"

"He knows", Alec scanned another book, "He may have not accepted it… or me for that matter, AS YET", he stressed, "But he knows I want him, that I want us".

And Maia looked at him, her eyes cheering him on, "Well, today is a good day to play your wild card".

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you literally just met the object of your affection first thing Monday morning at your place of work that so happens to be a small district library in a dirty part of Brooklyn", she took a deep breath, "If I were you, I would milk the hell out of this unexpected."

Alec hummed a pensive beat, "You think so too, huh?"

"Sounds like you already have something in mind".

"Can you cover for me a bit?" Alec put the rest of the books down and hurried from behind the counter, "It should take fiftee— no, ten minutes".

"What should?" Maia looked at him confused.

"Just as you suggested", he winked at her, "Milking the hell out of this coincidental Monday morning".

Amused, she watched him go before then glancing over at Magnus who was totally unaware, too engrossed in his hardcover book and steaming cup of coffee.

As Alec said, not fifteen minutes later, he was back at the library and headed straight for Magnus who was packing up to leave.

"By the way", he stood in front of Magnus with both his hands behind his back, "I figured out what I need to do to make him love me".

Magnus cocked an eyebrow. "Which is?" 

"Nothing", Alec actually laughed, his eyes shiny, "I'll do nothing. I'll just love him and wait".

A closer look and Alec would've seen the disappointment in Magnus's face, "Well, good luck to you".

"Thanks!" Alec smiled at him, "And these are for you".

Confusion is perhaps best to describe the look Magnus had at that time… the way he was looking at Alec trying to read his eyes, "What did I do to deserve such pleasure?"

"Nothing_ yet everything_", Alec smiled at him again, "Just consider it pro bono", he handed Magnus his declaration in a wrapper, "Magnus, one day you're going to love me and you're going to love me hopelessly".

"Sounds like a declaration of war", Magnus replied, after reading the note with the flower meaning attached. He then sniffed the branch of almond blossoms and genuinely smiled, "I love a challenge". 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almond blossom - delicacy, sweetness... hope


	6. something about ticks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As far as Magnus is concerned, pretty people are very dangerous~ a daytime reflection.

Magnus _is_ wearing sheets today.

Yes. He woke up. Opened his eyes. Opened the window above his bed and just lied there staring up at the morning sky.

The bed space to his right felt cold so he supposed his friend had already gone home.

But that was yesterday’s story.

Today,

What was he going to do today to pass the time before the club opened?

He made himself waffles.

He fed his cat.

He left the dishes in the sink and went for a bath and somehow, with his eyes closed as the water trickled down his face as he scrubbed, Alec’s stupid grin flashed across his mind.

Magnus sighed, _pretty people are very dangerous. _

He finished his day's couture with brown leather suspenders and a matching bowtie.

But with his hands in his pocket, he just stood there in the middle of his living room. From there, through the balcony door he could see a good portion of the city that was still too quiet to his liking because, while he liked silence, too much of it made him uneasy.

Six steps later and he found himself pouring a glass of gin, but just in time to take a sip, the watch on his hand told him it wasn't even yet nine o'clock, so he put the glass back down and returned to stare through the open patio door.

His cat meowed at his feet so he stooped and picked it up and cuddled the fluff ball. That's when his eyes caught the a book he'd read almost a year ago but had forgotten to return. 

"Shit", he hissed and put the cat down.

The next thing he knew was him standing in front of the tiny neighbourhood library as well as, a giant smiling at him.

"I’m not stalking you", Alec was first to break the ice of their unlikely meeting.

Magnus of course, found it unlikely that he wasn't being stalked, but he nonetheless returned Plato, borrowed another life's read and immersed himself until he momentarily glanced up and didn't see Alec. Thinking that was the perfect chance to make a run for it, Magnus upped and was ready to go― perhaps there was something in the air but just as he'd reached for the door to pull, Alec busted in and handed him his silly declaration and a whole branch of flowers.

"He's like a tick I can't get rid of", Magnus a few days later complained to Luke, who happened to be one of his few true friends.

"Well, I suppose that's what ticks do", Luke swirled the ice around in his whiskey, "If you don't want it there then you'd better get rid of it soon".

"I desperately want to get rid of it…", Magnus took his first drink for the day, "Who wouldn't?"

"Well, the good news is, even if you do nothing, after a few days or weeks when it's full, it will fall off on its own". 

Magnus made a thinking sound. "So you're saying it eats and eats until it's satisfied then it just falls off and goes its merry way… isn't that a bit selfish?"

Luke nodded in a sort of agreement then added, "Well, that's best before they pass on some incurable disease".

Magnus hummed in thought, "So basically, ticks are just all round bad disease infested bloodsuckers".

"Well, not really", Luke took another sip, "I remember reading something somewhere that said their bloodsucking nature is a sort of population control".

Magnus's forehead crinkled in confusion. He was no longer sure what their conversation was about— but one thing was clear, Alec was dangerous. "You know like how crickets and grasshoppers are superfoods?" He started then continued when Luke nodded, "Do you think ticks will become one too?"

Luke finished his drink, "I doubt it", he shook his head as though for emphasis, "As I said, they're disease infested".

Magnus took in a mouthful of whiskey, swirled it around his mouth, swallowed then scoffed because somehow, at Luke's reply, he was reminded of a line in that book he'd returned to the library days earlier. There was a favouri— there was a quote that had always stuck with him: '_love is a serious mental disease_' – in other words, it gets in your heart and it fucks you up before you can count to three.

And the scariest part?

It's probably highly incurable.

Magnus knew such a feeling very well.

It was unpleasant. It was deceitful. It was empty. It was unrewarding— like a tick, it took but it never gave.

"By the way", Luke smirked at him, "Someone said they saw you walking downtown with flowers the other day".

Magnus snapped out of his little episode on alert, "And what if I was?", his tone teased. 

"So it's actually true?"

"I didn't say that".

"And that's why I’m asking".

"Well if you must know", Magnus brought his drink to his mouth and let his lips linger on the glass, "It was more a declaration of war".

Luke laughed. "Who's the challenger?"

"A tick", Magnus called over a server to change his drink.

And Luke laughed harder this time, "Well, I hope this tick won't suck too much of your blood".

Magnus scoffed, the music in the club had switched to techno-pop remix. "But if it did..." he murmured, "I wonder if I'd survive?"

"What was that?" Luke asked, bobbing his head to the music.

"I said...", Magnus quickly caught himself, "Enough with the ticks talk. Go on, tell me about that pretty woman you've been dating recently".

Luke suddenly brightened up, his eyes shining and he couldn't stop talking about his queen and Magnus thought, love really is a mental disease— a wicked one that only the strong will survive…

And as far as he was concerned, beyond his glitters, bowtie and suspenders,

He was a very weak man.


	7. horny AF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Alec got hornier by the day, he questioned the thin line between love and lust.

The saying about sex never being as great as when we were kids and virgins and the whole thing was shrouded in mystery— is bullshit.

The best sex Alec had ever had wasn't in his head, it was that time the other day of Magnus fucking his brains out.

The room itself seemed to have been on fire with the amount of sweat dripping off them and the squelching, the huffing, the tightening and the squeezing each time Magnus sank into him… the tips of Magnus's fingers burned him like fire sparks with the way each sliver of touch had him thrashing about the sofa like an animal in its first heat, except for that one finger inside him, the finger with the ring pressing cool against his rim.

As though wanting to pee but trying hard to hold back, Alec squeezed tight to keep his sphincter shut but with the way Magnus was riding him from behind, his bladder cried in a bout of spasms about to give out so he crawled… not knowing what else to do with a body he could no longer control. So when Magnus bent over and whispered, "Alexander…", against his earhole, Alec's world magically turned into swaying daisies and he jerked.

With the morning sun hanging outside his window, Alec's day started with his briefs sticky with cum. He sighed, reaching a hand down to confirmed that he'd indeed let Magnus fuck him in his dream and that, even with cum all over his hand, he was still massively horny as fuck. Careful not to get cum anywhere on the sheets, he crawled out of bed thinking how everything had felt real that even his ass was still tingling. Walking like a stick was stuck betwixt his legs, he headed straight for the shower.

The whole day at work, Alec's body remained sensitive to every touch. One or two times he'd thought about excusing himself to take care of business himself in the toilets, but he didn't want to disappoint his expectations because by then, Alec came to know that only Magnus real and hard in him could satisfy his cravings.

"I thought you were in love?" Isabelle said to him later that evening.

"I am", Alec answered, taking half the taco in his mouth, "Why? Don't people in love also lust?"

Jace hummed in thought, "The way you phrase it makes it very difficult to answer".

Their mother was out on a date with her new boyfriend so for dinner, the siblings had to fend for themselves.

"What do you mean?", Alec wiped his mouth, he had sauce all over him and even got some on his suede shirt. "Shit, I'll have to take this to the dry cleaners".

"Well if you love a person then you'll want to touch them and let them touch you too, right?"

Alec pondered on what Isabelle had just said. "Magnus said some people have sex to fall in love while others fall in love to have sex".

"And which are you?" Jace asked, both him and Isabelle were keenly looking at Alec and from the crease in their foreheads, Alec could tell they were both worried. "I don't know".

"What?" Isabelle put her taco aside, "I thought you said you love him".

"I do and so logically I'd be in the first category which would put him in the second, but he hasn't fallen in love with me and truth be told, I don't think it will happen so…"

Isabelle leaned forward, "Did he say something?"

"No. But he keeps asking me what I want".

"What do you mean?" Jace asked.

"He thinks that I must want something from him for me to go as far as saying, I love him".

Isabelle and Jace both looked at him confused, "But did you ask for anything or suggested anything?"

"No, not exactly", Alec answered, remembering that time he handed over that branch of almond blossoms to Magnus and made his declaration, "Unless I admit to wanting something then he'll never let me in… he'll never give me the time of day".

With the course of this conversation, Alec had his siblings' full attention as Isabelle asked, "And exactly what did you tell him you wanted".

"His love".

Isabelle and Jace relaxed into their seats and let what Alec just told them settle before breaking into a smile and then a low giggle.

"What? Why are you laughing?" Alec's voice sounded anxious, while looking at them, "Did I mess up?"

"No, you didn't", Jace tried to stop his laughter, "It's just…"

"You're so straightforward", Isabelle finished, still trying to contain herself.

"Is that a bad thing?" Alec opened his wide, still very confused about their reaction.

"Definitely not. I'm no export", Isabelle took a bite of her taco, "But I suppose, being straightforward in love suits you".

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, Alec, continue being you".

"You're making even less sense", Alec replied, checking his watch, "You two aren't very good at giving love advice".

"Well regardless of that, I hope one day that thin line between love and lust will be blurred for you".

Alec didn't even realise there was a line but instead of admitting that, the three of them made a toast of goodwill with half eaten tacos then began to gossip about their mother's new boyfriend.

.

Much later that same evening, Alec went to do his usual pickup.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" Magnus asked when he saw him.

"What am I?" Alec asked trailing behind, "A two year old?"

"I would hate to consider myself a pedophile so I'm going to say, no", Magnus answered, coughing as the wind blew. It was sometime in mid-September.

"Then why not consider yourself my boyfriend?" Alec winked with a little smile.

Magnus was about to laugh but got rattled by a sneeze instead. It was still early but Magnus could tell the air wasn't just a summer cool anymore. It was getting crispy and he thought it crazy how the months flew past without him remembering much of anything except, he met Alec and liked how he looked and had sex with him and now can't seem to get rid of him.

"How long have you been working at the library?" He momentarily turned to Alec and asked.

"About six… almost seven months", Alec told him, suddenly feeling perky.

Magnus hummed a pondering sound, "Well that explains why I've never seen you there before the other day".

"Do you visit there a lot".

"I used to but not so much, anymore".

"Why not?" Alec asked, keeping his tone undemanding, but at the same time full of interest to know more about the first man he'd probably felt love for.

Magnus paused a while before replying, "Because I decided I didn't need to anymore".

"What do you mean?"

"It means how it sounds", Magnus wrapped his hands around himself, sneezing again.

Alec decided to take another route, "Does that have anything to do with why you haven't been back since the other day?"

Magnus raised an eyebrow and in a defensive sounding tone answered, "What makes you think anything in my life has something to do with you?"

Alec didn’t answer but the very fact that Magnus just took interest in him for a second made him unbelievably happy and that minuscule of happiness was satisfying at the moment. "So when next are we going to have sex?"

Magnus looked over at him and laughed out, it was throaty and he almost even tripped, "Why are you always so horny?"

"Because you're always so darn sexy", Alec quickly caught him, eyes wide as he suddenly gasped, "Why the hell are you on fire?"

"Stop being dramatic", Magnus groaned, trying to steady himself, "I just need some rest", he fumbled in his pocket and his little bag for his keys but one step away from Alec and he tripped again— and again he was saved by Alec holding him.

"Where's your apartment?" Alec held him firmly, putting Magnus's hand around his shoulder and placing his hand around Magnus's waist.

But Magnus fought back, "I told you, I’m OK", trying to stand on his wobbling feet.

Inhaling deeply and releasing, "Magnus! Stop being a pain in the ass and let me help you", Alec's voice echoed and remained sturdy until Magnus stopped struggling, "Now give me your keys and tell me where to go".

Too weak and too stunned to argue, Magnus passed over the keys and mumbled his apartment number and the last thing he remembered— was the elevator doors closing and Alec's panic-stricken voice begging him to hang on...


	8. fools don't catch a cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec playing nurse when a lady lets herself into Magnus's apartment.

"Don't go", Magnus held on to his shirt, "Camille, please don't go".

That was who Magnus mistook him for after they got to Magnus's apartment and Alec wanted to go get him a change of clothes. "I'm not going anywhere", he answered without even attempting to set the record straight. After all, no use in trying to reason with a sick man sweating in delirium.

But it bothered him. Immensely.

“How much longer before it’s ready?” Alec asked, stirring whatever he was making in the pot.

“Until the rice is soft enough for him to chew”, his mother answered, yawning with sleep.

He had face-timed her asking how to make rice porridge for Magnus.

“Well, I think it’s soft enough”, he stirred again but then suddenly stopped, “Mum, I’ll call you back”.

“_Water..." _he heard Magnus calling for in a chopped throaty voice so, he put the spoon down and quickly filled a glass under the tap, relief flooding him as he made his way to Magnus's bedside.

"Here, drink", Alec sat on the bed and gingerly lifted Magnus to sit, one hand behind Magnus's head and the other holding the glass to his parched lips. Even with a cool rag on his forehead and even though Alec had wiped him down and changed him into a light silky pyjama, Magnus's skin burned Alec's fingers and his breath warmed the air around him.

At the same time, Magnus looked at him as though he had a million things to say but was clearly too weak and thirsty, so he drank a tall glass of water and when he was done, without caring much he allowed Alec to just as gingerly guide his head down on the pillow. His face glistening with fever and sweat, causing his hair to fall damp over his forehead and to the side of his face. Still looking at Alec he finally asked, "Why are you here?"

Alec won't pretend he didn't feel a poke in his heart but it's never right to be upset with a sick person so he instead asked, "Hungry?"

Magnus looked towards the door and Alec wasn’t sure if that was his way of telling him to leave or that was him expecting someone else to be there. “No”, he looked away, his voice weak and vacant.

"Well, you have to eat something before you can take the medicine", Alec told him in a firm yet gentle tone and when Magnus didn't reply, he added, "I'll be back in two seconds".

Less than five minutes later,

"It tastes terrible", Magnus took a mouthful of the porridge.

"I know", Alec fed him another spoonful, "But it's made with lots of love".

Magnus didn't say a thing. Instead, he took another spoonful then pushed the rest away, settling back into bed and turned his face from Alec.

Alec took that as a clue to make himself scarce after giving him the medicine but then Magnus asked, "Are you blind or something?"

"What do you mean?" Alec kneeled on one leg at the bedside.

"What do you mean by what do I mean?" Magnus sighed as though tired and annoyed or perhaps he was just sick, side glancing at his reflection in the mirror— his hair wet with sweat, his eyes, plain and glitter-less— all he could see in the mirror was a helpless wet chicken… a man, unattractive and pitiful. "Why did you stay?"

Alec was still kneeling, contemplating how best to answer, "Because you asked me to".

Magnus didn't say anything for either he had nothing else to say or the medicine had finally kicked in and so, he dosed off into another pitch of sleep.

.

A few hours later before Alec could properly orient himself, the front door opened and a woman walked in.

Alec sat up, not sure what to say or how to react— not sure how to organise his questions.

"Where's Magnus?" she asked as soon as she saw Alec, her eyes wide not from surprise but a mischievous sparkle.

Quickly, Alec pulled up his guard, instinctively ready to protect his turf, "Are you Camille?" He asked, his heart beating disoriented and anxious.

She arched a daring eyebrow followed by a snide smile, "Wrong 'C', I'm afraid," she stepped past him and placed her bags on the counter, "And you are?"

Somehow,

Alec felt as though he was being made fun of. "Leaving", he told her grabbing his things, "I'm leaving".

And so he did, cursing his entire being for being a coward, afraid to have found out who that woman was.

Another few hours later,

"Where's he?" Magnus asked, his eyelids weighted down and moved sluggishly as Catarina checked his temperature.

"You mean nurse boy?" Catarina checked his pulse, "He left".

Magnus glanced at himself in the mirror again and winced, "I see".

“I think he thinks we’re together”, she later added, a smile almost audible in her voice.

“Why would he?” Magnus asked without turning away from his reflection.

"Well, he thought I was Camille".

Magnus visibly twitched, "Why would he?"

She looked at him knowingly, "Wouldn't you know?"

Magnus knew exactly what she meant but, “And you didn’t ease him?”

“Maybe I should have," She chuckled, "But I mean, you called him trouble so I wanted to be a little evil and tease him a bit or do you object?”

Magnus shuffled in the bed as Catarina climbed in beside him, "Serve him right", is what he said in the end, making more space for Catarina, "By the way, what time did you come last night?"

"I didn't. I came this morning".

Magnus looked at her, his next question already obvious in his eyes, "So when did you see Alec?"

"What do you mean?" She looked at him genuinely curious, "He was here this morning when I got here".

"Here, where?"

"In your living room. I found him sleeping in your couch".

All Magnus remembered was being served some flavourless food but it was warm both in taste and the feeling of being fed and taken care of. But then he sighed, looked at Catarina and said, "My troubles just doubled".

And then a day later,

“A delivery came for you", Catarina handed him a package. 

"From Amazon?" He turned the package around inspecting it, "I didn't order anythi—"

He saw the gift note:

_'I'll be MIA for a while so here's your protection in my stead. It's also supposed to bring you luck'._

Magnus smiled, caught himself smiling so he then sighed and put away the red omamori in a box in his dresser and sighed again— this time, at the huge debt he'd just racked up and had better pay.

More and more, meeting Alec was proving to be— an error. 

...

_~fools don't catch a cold~_


	9. no one ever falls in love gracefully

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus have more in common than they'd realised. Magnus has also made his decision.

Because someone had said something about relationships taking effort, Alec came up with a plan— the old thought about absence making the heart grow fonder.

But with only a day having passed since sending Magnus that 'missing in action' note, Alec wondered just whose heart was doing the missing.

His for sure, but what about Magnus's?

He sighed, moving some chairs in a line and without noticing he'd completed two rows. It was just that after sending such a note, he would surely look silly suddenly showing up in front of Magnus the next day.

He sighed again.

"Boy, you better stop sighing away your happiness", his mother warned, watching him with one hand on her hip, "If you miss him so much then go see him".

Alec was about to sigh again but stopped halfway because his mother was looking at him with raised reprimanding brows, "But I'll look lame", he told her.

"Well…", she helped him straightened another row of chairs, "No one ever falls in love gracefully".

Alec looked over at her with a new thought. All these years and he was never in love nor looked for it but, he'd always thought that falling in love was gentle and surreal and peaceful and… well, he then met Magnus.

And while his first love was neither violent nor unbearably painful, it still hurt— the uncertainty of it. He was never in love before then but, unrequited love must be the most painful love of all. "But then can you even call that love?"

"I don't see why not", she smiled at him, soft and seemingly unapologetic for the rocky road he might have to wobble down. "Love is what you make it".

"But doesn't that leave too much room for interpretation?" He pondered aloud, his forehead crimpled in a frown, "Shouldn't there be a standard?"

"There could but, should there be?" she returned with equally raised brows challenging him, "That would be unrealistic, don't you think? After all, we all love at different intensities meaning we all fall in love at different speeds and in love with different things— the eyes, the voice, what's inside the heart, the mole on the side of their neck and sometimes we don't even know what we love but we just do with all our heart", she then walked up to him. "What's important is to seize the moment while young".

Alec digested what she had just told him as best as he could, "Well I doubt I'll get old by tomorrow or the day after".

"Oh but you will, my dear boy", she chuckled, playfully pulling his cheek, "Think about it, just now you got a few seconds older".

Alec groaned, "Mum, you're not helping".

"Oh but I believe I am", she laughed looking towards the door that just swung opened. "Simon, you're here!" She left Alec with a squeeze to his hand and went to meet the performer for the evening.

"Thanks for inviting me to this month's open mic", Simon returned her hug looking around the bookshop like he hadn't been there before.

"I'm just glad you can make it and…", she picked up on his search, "Isabelle will be happy to see you too".

"I wasn’t looking for her", Simon fidgeted with a nervous laugh, nearly walking into a chair.

Maryse giggled, "I didn't say you were", and then her smile changed from teasing to a young maiden's when the door swung open again, "Oh Lucien", she whispered, bidding excuse to Simon, "So glad you could make it".

"Of course I would", Luke kissed her cheek, "And I hope you don't mind that I brought a friend".

"Of course not", Maryse shook his hand with a smile.

"I'm Magnus. Thanks for having me".

Maryse's eyes flared open, a knowing smile resting in her eyes all the way down to her lips.

"Is something wrong?" Magnus asked, his word caught in his throat when he caught Alec's big whole rainbow eyes staring at him.

"I thought so", Maryse snickered, wrapping her hand around Luke's elbow.

"Thought what?" Luke asked, confused as he was being led away.

"You might have just done a grave good or a made a grave error, Lucien", she told him with a little laugh much to Luke's confusion.

"Okay, now you've completely lost me", he answered, even as he allowed her to lead him away.

.

"Is the world small or is the universe trying to tell us something?" Alec walked up with a grin.

Magnus looked at him just as confused, "I prefer the world being too small, scenario".

"Well I rather, both".

Magnus watched as Luke got lost in Maryse hugging his elbows and telling him something with bright eyes and Magnus watched how Luke laughed and held her around the lower back. "So Luke is your step-father, huh?"

Alec shrugged like the revelation was no big deal at all and even added, "And soon your father-in-law".

At that they both laughed out louder than either expected giving way to the crinkles reaching Alec's eyes and Magnus, throwing his head thrown back— that was perhaps the first time they'd truly related.

More people started coming in and while Alec ushered them to a seat, Magnus stayed in the back and observed him… the man… the person who after years was making his heart a little restless. He sighed.

"Keep sighing and happiness will leave you", Alec in no time found his way back at his side.

Magnus sighed again, "It might be too late for that".

Seconds that felt like minutes of plotting passed before Alec murmured, "Who was that lady?" Then playing with his knuckles, pretending to look at the crowd up front but was instead, really watching Magnus from the corner of his eyes.

However, Magnus didn't react as though caught off guard as Alec had expected, "Cat?", Magnus instead asked and he even had a fond little smile, "Cat is a nurse and has been my best friend since that day in primary school she kicked some boy's ass to save mine".

Alec chuckled. "Cute but no, not her. The other C".

Magnus sighed as though feeling defeated, "The past".

Alec glanced over sideways at him, "Didn't sound that past to me if you're still calling for her".

To Magnus, Alec was right. The past always stays in the past but, one's first love never leaves his side… it either leaves blossoms for new buds or haunts like locus and so, if Alec was a tick that stuck and won't leave him, then Camille was a ghost that for years have haunted him as though taking revenge for having given Magnus his first taste of love and also his first taste of pain and hatred and fear. "There are days when the mind is sick".

Alec let him be. "Well, so long as I have your future, your past will also be a ghost to me", he threw Magnus a wink. 

"You don't give up, do you?"

"Of course not" Alec then flashed him a smile, "Besides, you did promise to help me get the guy of my dreams".

"Did I?" Magnus's voice bent into teasing, "I have no recollection of such". 

"Well, no need", Alec told him, watching the crowd up front and watching his mother unable to stop herself from smiling with Luke by her side. "No need to worry, Magnus", he smiled became even very pensive, "I'll remember everything for the both of us".

A soft sound left Magnus as he also watched Luke who himself hadn't always been this lucky in love, "You know, Alec… falling in love is like those few seconds just before you bungee jump", he explained, his eyes still trained on the crowd that quietly listened to Simon's soft voice and guitar, "I tried it once… that feeling of your heart fisting against your chest and you suddenly starting to feel dizzy and unsure of yourself… then you jump screaming as the wind hit your face and the ground draws nearer and nearer… and so the closer you get to hitting the ground, you pray harder that the rope you put your trust in to break your fall and save you will pull through".

Alec listened, trying to imagine everything with every detail Magnus had just given him then said, "Love sounds terrible," smiling while looking at Magnus, "Lucky for me my love wasn't that dramatic… I saw you and I just knew I was to love you".

Alec chatted on and Magnus just listened— to Alec in the back at his side and to Simon up front and to the claps and cheers the modest crowd gave. He then inhaled long, held his breath then slowly released with, "…fine".

“Really?” Alec's eyes flashed open for as it were, he'd truly expected another rejection.

“I mean why not?" Magnus shrugged, "You're not giving up, are you?”

"Not by a long shot", Alec's whole face perked up with a grin.

"But...", Magnus just as quickly put a damper on his glee.

“But?”

“But only because I’m curious to know what you think I can do for you”.

"No, it's not like I—"

"Anyhow...", Magnus cut him off before he could finish, "Let it worth my while, will you?... both our while, for that matter", he laughed as though distrusting the whole situation. 

Before Alec had even experienced love, he'd always thought it was something soft. After all, people in love were always so happy— like his mother curled up beside Luke right now or Isabelle's eyes sparkling at watching Simon perform… but even for him, even though his love might be unrequited, the pain of it was sugarcoated with the possibility that one day Magnus would bungee jump and allow him to be his very trusted rope.

"This guy's good", Magnus nudged towards Simon as though telling Alec to do whatever the hell he wanted… breathing free as though a huge load was off his shoulder and was perhaps finally leaving the heaviness of love with Alec… almost as though urgently hoping that Alec would one day soon come to crush under the weight that travelled with the love he's so in love with.

Alec nodded with a far away smile. "Yeah, he is".

No doubt,

Alec would be Magnus's rope but, who would be his?

...

~no one ever falls in love gracefully~ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so we've finally caught up with the prologue/chap 1! Thank you for sticking with me thus far and I hope you'll continue to enjoy the flow XD


	10. a drunk man never tells a lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a first date, Alec took Magnus to a wine bar but Alec is no good with alcohol so~

No one ever stays in love gracefully, either.

.

For their first date Alec took Magnus to a wine tasting bar.

Alec took a sip.

Alec took another sip.

And not thirty minutes later, Alec was fabulously tipsy.

"You're such an odd creature," Magnus held him by one hand to keep him steady, "Why choose wine on a first date if you're so weak to alcohol?"

Alec hung his head sideways and smiled, "Because no good story ever started with someone eating salad".

Magnus looked at him and held back a laugh, "I get that but there's got to be something else… let's say, sushi".

Alec went quiet, contemplating his situation, "Am I drunk?"

"I don’t know," Magnus replied, waving down a taxi, "Are you drunk?"

Alec looked down the street at all the traffic passing them, how the whole place dazzled in blinding lights and then he smiled as he felt Magnus's hold tighten around him. "I really love the Little Mermaid", he said, almost out of thin air.

Magnus really had to take a step back to look at Alec good, no longer trying to hold his giggles at Alec's randomness and it was with all that, that there was a crispy heartiness in the way he laughed, the sort of laugh that Alec would one day come to regret being too drunk to remember. "I like her too", Magnus told him.

"No, _like_ is too passive a word, Magnus. I love her… I really, really love her— how she wasn't afraid to leave the ocean and explore the unknown… she's my role model and you— you're my unknown". Magnus's face slipped back into seriousness but before he could emotionally run, Alec nudged him closer, “Come here”, he said, reaching over, and when Magnus leaned in, “Now, gimme your lips”. 

Maybe Magnus too, was a little tipsy or maybe he too wanted to test something but there on a busy sidewalk one weekend night under the headlights of countless of taxis passing, Magnus fed Alec the taste of wine from his lips.

And Alec thought that perhaps it might do him good if he stayed this drunk a while on this limbering love.

Though, when Alec pulled away, the look in Magnus's eyes were like combination locks, cryptic enough to keep the best burglar out. "Where's your apartment?" He instead asked.

Alec looked at him, eyes colourfully determined and glossy and— Magnus knew what they meant.

After all, they were officially dating.

So as soon as they got to Magnus's place, Alec had his hands in Magnus's shirt ripping them off.

"Tear it and you've bought it", Magnus giggled against Alec's lips, his back against the bedroom door pushing it open.

"Then go ahead and rip mine off too", Alec hugged him around his neck, "Rip all of me open".

Magnus laughed a bit more audibly this time, throwing Alec on the bed and climbing on top of him, "Don't get the tiger in me more worked up".

Alec laughed too, loud and fruity, wiggling out of his pants, one hand holding and rubbing over the stiffness in his front while the other trailed in tease at the other place, inviting Magnus in.

Magnus swooped down and kissed his neck and Alec returned a whole eternity of breath from his belly of excitement.

"Why are you always so horny?" 

Alec sucked with a gasp when Magnus joined him hot and deep, "I'm not horny", he moaned, knees about to buckle already.

"Then what are you?" Magnus probed him in the front, at the tip and Alec hissed.

"I'm intoxicated by you", the sheets gathering in his hands as he felt his inside burning… the surface of his skin steaming like an onsen and just so, every breath he took was infused with the scent of Magnus.

With the wine in his head and with his head spinning like a gig, his whole body felt like a candle melting under Magnus's heat.

Then morning came and he was mess under Magnus's sheets. Alec recalled two things; the first fifteen minutes after his first glass of wine and, the really good sex they had last night. His ass was still tingling.

"Magnus", he called out, wrapping the sheet around him and walking out into the living room.

"Finally up and ready to apologise?" Magnus asked, and the way he raised his eyebrows was enough to let Alec know he'd messed up.

Alec winced, a headache suddenly pounding him.

"Drink this", Magnus handed him a glass with some orange water.

"What's this?"

"A magic potion".

Alec drank it all and looked around the apartment that had books strewn almost everywhere, "My briefs are still on the floor".

"Oops", Magnus took the glass from him, "The rest of your clothes are over there on the couch".

Alec walked over to the balcony doors that led from the kitchen, stared outside a while then asked, "Do you also have one to get memories back?"

Magnus arched an eyebrow, "One of what?"

"A magic potion".

Magnus chuckled. "Should I take it that you're experiencing your very first hangover?"

"Is that what you call it?"

"Not just me", Magnus folded his arms and leant against the wall, watching Alec and if only Alec could see the softness in his eyes. "Everyone does".

"Is that so?" Alec hummed, took up his briefs, held his back and walked in easy steps to the bedroom, rebuking himself for not only messing up their first date but have even drunk so much that he forgot everything about it. He was pretty sure something between the wine and great sex had happened.

Ten minutes later he returned to the living room. "Ready?" Magnus asked. "Today is both an early and a busy day for me".

Alec nodded. "Sorry about last night and whatever embarrassing thing I said… just forget about it".

Magnus arched a daring eyebrow at him, "So Ariel isn't your hero?"  
.

"Wasn't the plan to have won him over?"

Alec sighed, "Yes, Izzy. And it still is".

"Well then... yeah sex is good and all but as for the bigger picture, you failed".

"It was a trial", Alec tried to defend himself, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Yeah, a fail is still a fail".

"Yes, yes I made an error...", he told her rubbing his temples. The vitamin water Magnus had given him worked a great deal but not fully. He sighed again, "No need to rub salt into my wound".

"But you're such an idiot", Jace walked in, "Next time do something you're comfortable with".

Alec downed the glass of water Jace had just handed him, "Thanks. I love how supportive you two are", he drank the whole thing in one go, putting the glass down. "I just feel that being ordinary won't be enough to win him over".

"But you don't know that", Isabelle told him, her forehead crinkled deep in worry, "I mean, maybe that's exactly what he needs... a change of pace... something new and different and from what you've told me and from what I saw at the bookshop event, you as you are, might be exactly the ordinary he needs".

Alec inhaled and released a full lung of air and thoughts, "So what should I do?"

"Find out what else he likes", Jace leaned against the counter beside him.

"That might be good", Alec tapped his fingers against the counter, "Though that's probably the hardest part."

"Well, someone must have told you that love isn't easy," Isabelle flashed him a supportive smile.

Alec responded with a frown, "Did mum give you the talk too?"

"She did", she sighed then released with a short chuckle. "Anyway, exactly what happened on the date?"

Alec's smile grew a little wider, again his eyes became dazed like he was still drunk, "Magnus is a beautiful man, Izzy."

She chuckled, "That doesn't even begin to answer my question".

"He's so beautiful that just the sight of him makes me nervous".

Isabelle laughed a little harder, Jace joining her, both truly entertained but most importantly, felt relieved, thinking that perhaps, they no longer needed to worry so much about him, "So you drank your nervousness away?" She jeered, much to Alec's chagrin.

"I tried," Alec groaned, fiddling away at his phone, "But you saw him, didn't you?", his fingers flicked over webpages, "When it comes to Magnus, there's no need for filter. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure he invented sexiness in a bow tie".

Isabelle and Jace both had to laugh. "Yeah sure but that still hasn't answered my question," His sister took a seat beside him, peeking over on his phone, the smile on his face suddenly fell as she asked, "Are you still drunk?"

"I don't know", Alec took a screenshot of the address, smiling as he looked her, "Am I?"  
.

A week later,

Alec showed up at Magnus's place with a small box and in that small box slept a tiny cat. "His eyes remind me of you", was what he point blank. "I already named him, Church".

For the longest while, Magnus didn't say anything but when his eyes glowed in golden excitement, Alec knew for sure that trial two was a— success.

~trials & errors~ 


	11. happiness laughs then gets sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Alec saw Magnus out of makeup was when he was sick. The second time Alec saw Magnus without his glitters was because Magnus had a bandage around his fingers.

Expose the softest most vulnerable part of yourself otherwise, it won't work.  
.

"Who said I wanted it to, though?"

"You literally agreed to date him", Catarina looked at Magnus with much amusement in her eyes.

Luke sighed, "I'm more worried about you being my son-in-law".

Magnus mock gagged, "Please, don't make me puke".

Catarina chuckled, "Seriously, how did you two find yourselves in this hilarious situation?"

"Don't laugh", Luke groaned, swirling the cubes of ice around his glass, "I mean, of all the people in the world you just had to be dating my step-son".

"Another word and I'll really puke", Magnus winced, while refilling his glass with gin.

Catarina was lying comfy on the sofa having fun with the bizarre case her friends have found themselves in, "But be as it may, you're both stuck", she told them, "I mean, Luke, you're so deep in love with Maryse and from the look of things, Magnus has already got a foot in. Another month and he'll be head over heels for this pretty boy Alec".

Magnus groaned, he hated being read like a book. "You know, back in ancient Japan, when a samurai messed up, he'd commit seppuku— basically he would stab himself to death in the stomach".

Luke looked over his glass at him while Caterina rolled her eyes and replied, "Talk about being dramatic".

Just then, Church came meowing at his feet.

"I mean, look at that, you and Alec practically have a kid together… he wants you, Magnus".

Magnus slipped his feet from this slippers and petted Church with his toes.

He didn't answer Catarina.

.

The first time Alec saw Magnus out of makeup was when he was sick. The second time Alec saw Magnus without his glitters was because Magnus had a bandage around his fingers.

When Alec saw the bandage, he was all set and ready in full gear to go beat the crap out of whoever dared to have laid a finger on his Magnus.

"Hold your horses", Magnus called him back with a roll of eyes, already exasperated nodding to Alec to get in. "If you want to blame someone, then blame the carrots I was slicing".

Somehow, that didn't make Alec feel any better, "Then, shall I mince them for you?" He asked with bloodshots gathering in his eyes.

"No need to", Magnus did well to hold in a laugh, "besides, if you need to place blame, then blame the knife, not the carrot".

"Then I'll melt the knife", Alec walked into the kitchen, "Where is it?"

"Still in the sink", Magnus gave up and took a seat.

Alec was new to him in so many ways. Alec was also his unknown.

"Knife, why did you hurt my man?" He heard Alec making a commotion in the background.

Magnus watched him a while then turned around and sighed, taking up his other cat who came meowing at his feet. Alec had the body of a German Shepherd but behaved liked a Chihuahua.

"What are you even doing?" He turned to Alec who already had an apron on.

"About to feed my man, is what", Alec answered, already putting a pot with water to boil.

Magnus arched an eyebrow, his eyes narrowed, “Have you ever tasted your own cooking?” he paused, as though actually waiting for Alec to answer, “It’s terrible”.

Alec turned and grinned at him, "But it's filled with vitamin love and besides, you’re still alive, aren’t you?”

“Barely”, Magnus got up and peeped into the pot, "It looks like a concoction for a curse".

“My mum says the way to a man's heart is through his belly so I guess, yeah— I’m going to cast a spell on you, Mr. Bane", he flashed a smile that put Magnus's heart on alert.

"Is that so?" Magnus just watched him from the back. In all his life, this would be the second anyone has ever cooked for him.

"And while you're standing there admiring me", Alec leaned closer, obviously to tease, "Why don't you put your mouth to use and kiss me?"

Any other day— if it were yesterday or even an hour before, perhaps Magnus would've just rolled his eyes and played hard to get but at that singular moment, without thinking twice, Magnus slowly leaned in, brushed his chest against Alec's and in a warm breath whispered, "Why would I kiss you when I have two cats?"

Alec cocked his head to the side, closed his eyes and waited, "Because you want to", his said, his lips a trembling touched against Magnus's and with even the heat coming from the stove, Alec shivered the moment Magnus captures his whole mouth in a kiss and left him buckling in the knees.

_Really…_ Magnus thought as he walked away to go stretch out in the couch and wait, Alec was all sorts of mistakes… like an unplanned pregnancy that's not necessarily unwanted. "Make it very spicy", he shouted towards the kitchen.

"How spicy?" Alec leaned back and asked.

"Indian and Thai spicy".

"But I'm no good with spice".

"I thought you were cooking for me".

"I was but now—" but when Magnus gave him a judging look Alec finished with, "As you wish, your highness".

Magnus smiled, already feeling hot and tired from the possibilities… thinking how exhausting he was of giving his all and yet failing to receive… but then came along a man who said he just wanted to give to him and all he needed in return was his love… but then, isn't wanting someone's love the priciest demand anyone could make? He would give his heart away again and then what? He just waited for it to be crushed again? Why was love such a horror story? He sighed and turned over on his side, "And don't forget to use butter and rosemary in the rice"— anything to help the bad cook Alec was, then muttering to himself, "Maybe I should order pizza".

"What's that, now?" Alec shouted back.

"I said, you have radish in your hair".

"Come take it out for me".

"No way. It suits you", Magnus laughed.

It didn't take long before dinner was served.

"So, have I domesticated you yet?" Alec asked, watching Magnus taste the rice and green curry.

Magnus swallowed, "You have rice on your cheek".

"Eat it off me", Alec leaned forward and Magnus pinched his nose.

It was already autumn, a whole new season had already passed since they'd first met and in a strange sort of state, it almost felt like they'd known each other for much longer and while it made Magnus uneasy, Alec got his hopes up. 

"It's great, isn't it?" Alec watched him eat much satisfied. 

"Well, I'm still alive", Magnus answered and was just about to take another mouthful when the door bell chimed. "Oh, that must be the deliveryman," he wiped his mouth, "We're almost out of cat food so I'd ordered some".

"No, no. You eat. I'll get it", Alec got up before Magnus could.

"Relax Chef Lightwood", Magnus insisted, "Eat your curry. I'll go".

Alec let him. 

"What are you doing here?" he soon after heard Magnus asked.

"Where else am I going to go?" the woman at the door replied with a laugh.

"Now is not a good time to—"

"Oh let me in, Magnus".

"Hey, don't just walk in— Camille!"

Alec looked up.

And a splatter of curry splatted about and stained his shirt.

.

~ happiness laughs then gets sad ~


	12. the other c

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus's ex showed up and Alec's perfect curry went cold.

Ariel was just a half human fish who fell in love with a land prince.

Did she really love him or was she just in love with the idea of being able to walk on land alongside him and into an unknown?

Since Alec’s drunken story, Magnus had been thinking— why would Ariel give up her entire kingdom and risk her life just to be with a random prince who could do nothing extraordinary than walk on two feet? To Ariel, what made the prince's ordinary, extraordinary?

Did love or whatever it dressed itself up to be really make people that stupid?

"In a way, I suppose that's a yes", Catarina answered him, "I mean, they can paint it pretty however they like but her end was tragic. She loved so much and yet it didn't save her". 

That was one evening, a few weeks before, when he'd called Catarina.

"Cat…" he'd mumbled her name in deep thought, "Where can I apply for happiness?"

The phone line had gone silent, leaving a numbing sound in his ears.

"Well it depends", she answered him but from the drag of her words, Magnus could tell she was still thinking how best to put her answer.

"It depends on what?" He urged, hoping with all his might that it wouldn't be something any more tragically difficult.

"Well, what do you think is happiness?" She asked him but when Magnus remained silent she added, "I mean, well I believe that happiness is happiness but that same happiness is different for everybody".

Magnus made a thinking sound and lingered on the line a bit, "Did you just make it more complicated on purpose?"

"Maybe", Catarina had laughed, "Or maybe the complication is all in your head".

Perhaps.

Or perhaps not.

Alec truly was Magnus's unknown.

.

"Your newest boy toy?" Camille smirked at Alec as she walked around the room, looking around like someone who had been to the place a lot and could note some changes. "Did I steal his candy or something?"

Alec would've liked to reply specifically to the claim, but then he really wasn't sure what he was to Magnus. Perhaps boy toy was on point and he was just playing blind to it, playing pathetic and stubborn.

After all, almost all first loves are shitty. Isabelle once told him that a first love almost never worked out and since he was never the luckiest chap—

"What are you doing here?" Magnus asked again. And while Alec couldn’t read Magnus, he also remembered that Isabelle had also told him that even if a first love didn’t work out… even if it's shitty, a special love for that first love would always linger in the heart.

So,

Was Camille Magnus's first love?

"Ouch", Camille responded, looking at Magnus with a dare, "Is that any way to greet the love of your life after such a long time? I almost feel hurt".

Magnus's arms are wrapped tight around him. "Last time I checked, only people with a heart can feel hurt".

The pretentious smile didn't leave Camille's face but— okay, so there stood Alec standing over six feet tall and in came this woman who won't even respectfully acknowledge his presence and worse yet, was flirting with his man… Alec wanted to intervene but then again, suppose his feelings have always been one-sided? After all, Magnus agreed to date him but did Magnus commit to him? But with them being at the spicy curry stage, he really thought they were at least committedly involved, but then this woman— Camille showed up and all of a sudden Alec didn't know. He turned to her, "We were about to have green curry, care to join us?" 

She literally scoffed at him, looked at him like a useless piece of cloth then looked over at Magnus, "How domesticated...", she scrunched up her face, adding, "It's insipid, really. Why waste time doing all this when you can literally go order proper food at a restaurant?"

Alec, unable to hold back, replied the very second. "Now, is that a yes or a no on joining us?"

"It's a no", Magnus answered in her stead. "Alexander… Thank you. I've got this".

It was the way Magnus's voice was steady with all jokes and sarcasm aside that Alec took the cue that he was to leave.

And he did.

"My number hasn't changed", Magnus turned to Camille, his hands back to fold around him as he took in a deep breath.

"Oh, so you were expecting my call?" She smiled cunningly beautiful, "How sweet?"

"I'm being serious, Camille", his voice demanded without rising, "Why are you here?"

"Whatever do you mean? She looked at him and anyone other than Magnus would’ve fallen for her glossy eyes and her cherry smile, "I am here because you're here", her eyes fierce, her lips red and her voice on par with a succubus. "So is he really your boy toy? Oh wait!" she laughed, "Of course, he must be".

Magnus raised an eyebrow much interested in her analysis. "And why could he not have been my lover?"

"Because, Magnus", she turned to him, her hands feeling his chest around the place his heart laid, "Because for a fact, you wouldn't know what to do with love even if you found it".

Ouch.

She was right. 

And Magnus felt his entire existence glitch. 

"And you?" He returned the torture, "What would you do if you found love?"

Momentarily— just a millisecond of a moment, she looked disoriented but she was a pro so she snidely flashed him that provoking grin of hers. "Oh come on now Magnus, you and I both know I'm in love with myself and my freedom and in love with the love people have for me".

With his hands once again wrapped around him, Magnus contemplates his options. Surely, there was nothing wrong with loving oneself. As a matter of fact, that's the number one rule to follow before loving anyone else. Then why was he unable to fall in love with Magnus Bane?

"You remember that time in university you slipped that book into my bag?"

"I slipped many books that I didn't want to carry in your bag, Magnus".

"That's true", Magnus actually chuckled, his mind already trapped in yesteryears. "The one that had only one copy so anyone who borrowed it had to use it the library but you, you didn't want to stay back so you slipped it in my bag and I got caught."

Her face brightened as it all came back to her, "Oh you should’ve seen your face when the buzzer went off", she laughed, "You had this clueless innocent look and when you realised what had happened, you didn't even out me. You just quietly stayed behind and let me leave", she smiled at him, pinching his cheeks, "I remember loving you even more after that".

"You loved me, huh?" Magnus repeated in deep ponder. "This is the first time I'm hearing it", he said in this low almost calculating voice, "But if you loved me so much then why did you just take off with another man?"

"I didn't just take off", she rolled her eyes, "I told you I found someone fun so I'd go play with him for a while before becoming back".

"Which you did but then not long after you ran off with someone else, that pretty lady we met at the Museum that time".

Camille shrugged, "Well you said it yourself, she was pretty", and she actually had the nerve to smile, "But not long after I came back, didn't I?"

"That you did", Magnus answered, his hands now behind him as he leaned against the kitchen counter, "You came back but with a French guy drooling all over you".

"Oscar was cute", she laughed.

"And just like that, you never came back to me".

"What do you mean?" She came around and stood before him, "I'm standing in front of you right now, aren't I?"

Magnus was no longer sure or even aware of what he was feeling— was it anger that indeed, he'd wasted so much time playing victim and selling himself short that he had lost touch with a much simpler reality?

Long ago,

At a time when he was at his lowest around the time his mother passed way and his father later took up drinking, Magnus found himself in a quagmire that was life with no escape. Then one day in the library on campus, he saw a pretty girl with pretty red lips smiled at him and slipped a book in her bag. She didn’t leave right away. Instead, she walked up to him and smiled again.

"You're not going to tell anyone, are you?" Her red lips whispered.

Magnus raised an eyebrow in feign confusion, "See what exactly?"

The smile Camille gave him that day had since then enslaved Magnus in a sort of quasi love, "wanna grab a coffee?"

Magnus nodded.

In just those few minutes he'd forgotten the brokenness of his home and had become so blindly happy and grateful that he didn't even notice how much his suffering was about to worsen.

First, he fell in love with the idea of Camille— unbothered and free and red lips. But he supposed love never remained constant for soon, his heart grew and he fell into the worst kind of love— unrequited. And for years he'd suffered till his heart slowly closed itself with concrete walls wrapped around by thorns.

But,

Magnus noticed that those thorns had started to wither and the concrete had also started to chip away and fall.

He laughed.

"What's so funny?" She asked, her beautiful self sitting on the table after pushing the food aside.

Catarina was right. Love isn't complicated. It's people who are the real culprits.

"Camille…"

"Yes, darling?"

"I'm happy you came by today".

Just that one line and already, he felt as though his heart could finally breathe again.

"Of course you are", she laughed and it was beautiful and she knew it as much he did and she loved it.

"I really did love you", he added, his voice then sounding like a whisper, very contemplative.

"Of course you do", she giggled again, her voice strong with confidence and was subtly seductive.

Magnus looked at her warmly and smiled with a sort of relief in his eyes. "Yes, I loved you so much that I ended up hating myself for being unable to love you anymore or even enough".

"Well, I am deserving", she flaunted a smile, that same smile that saved Magnus that day when he was at his lowest— or that was how he'd interpreted it, being saved but actually, 

"And I'm not?" Magnus asked, his eyes becoming narrow, "Was I not deserving of your love?"

"You're deserving of many things, Magnus", Camille answered sounding low and disinterested.

"But not of your love", he repeated for his own good, his contemplative nature turned to a maniacal series of chuckle, "I believe I've been relieved". 

Listen,

There's a reason why mourners open a casket to look at their dead and say good bye… otherwise they might go through their entire life thinking their beloved was still alive but away somewhere on vacation. So that's why they open the casket and they look and they stare and they take it all in while reliving the fond and the not so fond moments… let it all spiral until they accept the plain truth that's dead in front of them. Only then can they act out ashes to ashes, dust to dust and say a final farewell.

Magnus pulled in a deep breath, smiled and said again, "Camille, I'm really happy that you came today".

"Of course, you are", she looked at him with eyes narrowed, a lingering smile around her lips, "Plus you know I’m always happy to be your buttercup", and then she noticed, "By the way, why do keep talking in the past tense?"

Magnus flashed a lopsided grin that was more of a revelation, "You tell me..." 

"Don't get smart with me, Magnus", she rolled her eyes, suddenly not up for games. After all, she'd always been a smart woman, "Exactly, what are you trying to say?"

Magnus pulled in another lungful of breath then released, his forehead crinkled as he searched for the words. "To be less morbid, you're like a scar, Camille… even though the pain is gone, the ugliness lingers– it's like falling off your bicycle and bruising your elbow… even if you still want to ride that same bicycle or even get another one, it's almost sixth sense that every time you see one you would see that scar and without a doubt imagine yourself falling off again and getting bruised all over... so out of fear, you put your bicycle away." 

Looking her frank in the eyes, Magnus had expected her to scream or try to coerce him into whatever conniving comeback she had but instead, she just looked at him silently for a few long seconds as though mentally unrivalling and piecening everything and when she was done she asked, "Why now? After all this time, why are you abandoning me now?"

Magnus looked over at the barely eaten food on the table and sighed, "Because you made the best curry I've ever had gone cold".

.

"I just buried Camille".

"You just did what?!" Catarina's voice could be heard way beyond the receiver.

"You literally just made me deaf", Magnus pulled the phone from his ear, wincing.

"So you two met?"

"She came back".

And the phone line went silent.

"And how did that go?" Catarina asked, low voiced and cautious, "Do you need me to come over?"

"No, this time I really did bury her", Magnus contemplates his next move, "I'm actually going on the road now".

"Magnus, are you OK?"

"Alexander was there".

The phone line went silent again.

"And?"

"I asked him to leave".

Another pause came from Catarina's end before she asked, "Are you an idiot?"

"Yes. I'm afraid I am", Magnus sighed frustrated with himself.

"So what now?" Catarina paused again, keenly listening for what was to come next.

"I had it all wrong", he said, "Ariel didn't fall in love with the prince because she wanted two legs. She wanted a human soul that was free and the prince was just unexpected".

"Okay...", Catarina replied, and Magnus could almost picture the wrinkle in her forehead from the drag of her voice, "So what happens now?" 

"Well…", he slowed down, contemplative in an unknown sense, "As I said, I'm going on the road right now".

Catarina made a long thinking sound, "Then does this mean you're about to apply for happiness?"

Magnus sighed a bit regretfully, "I bet you already knew that I didn't have to", he took in a deep breath and sighed again, "I bet you already knew that that love I sought was already given to me".

"Maybe...", she answered and Magnus could hear the smirk in her voice. "But what's important is that you've finally realised it. So what now?"

Magnus straightened his bow tie, "I'm going to take this love and in return, I'm going to share what little I have".

Catarina's low chuckle sounded relieved, “Then you'll definitely be Ok.”

Magnus groaned, his eyes fixed on the building with a million and one things running through his brain. "Cat, if you were him would you still love me?"

"I will always love you, Magnus, but I can't role play for Alec".

Magnus sighed again and straigtened his clothes. "Yeah, I suppose so…", his heart beating like a dozen taiko drums, "Well then, I'm here".

"Here, where?"

Magnus fixed his bow tie again and that time also, his suspenders. "The library".

Through the transparent window panes, Alec watched Magnus dressed up in his burgundy bow tie and suspenders walked towards him in decisive steps and an apologetic face.

As it were,

That was actually the first time ever Magnus went to find Alec.

And also,

That was the first time ever Alec didn't look the least bit enthusiastic to see him.

~trials and errors~ 


	13. endings are a piece of shit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Magnus went to find Alec to explain himself but Alec didn't look too happy to see him.

One day,

Alec fell in love on impulse.

He fell in love with a man who scared himself out of love and being loved.

And that was pretty much Alec's entire story.

Before they'd met under the stars, Alec had always thought that love was something similar to the feeling of honey and rainbows in warm milk— but instead, this first love of his came complementary with Armageddon.

"I don't know anymore", he sighed another day while helping his mother in the kitchen, "Maybe the magic of this first love of mine was my ignorance that it could never end…"

"Where did you hear that?"

"A poet said it".

"Oh for goodness sake, Alec," Maryse sighed in warning, "Stop with all the sayings bullshit. What's important is what you want to do. So tell me", she lowered the oven temperature, turned and looked at him, "Alec sweetheart, what do you feel?"

Alec looked at her as though looking at a stranger who got him puzzled, "See what I mean?" He took a bowl for the salad from the cupboard, "When since have you been using such uncouth words like, bullshit", tossing in the vegetables, "Love really changes people".

Mayrse gave him a side eye, "You had better not try to evade the question since that's really all that's important".

Alec stuffed a tuff of watercress and chopped beetroot into his mouth and silently chewed until he felt like he could answer, "It feels like I've got a whole continent pressing on my head".

"Great", she slapped his hand away from the bowl, "That's a good starting point".

.

It's not that Alec thought Magnus would run away with this woman he called for in mutters in his delirium a while back and remained tightlipped about. If anything, Magnus rejecting his love and selling himself short could only be because of this woman's shadow. Alec walked into Isabelle's room, plopped himself on her bed and sighed. "Izzy, why am I so unlucky?" He sighed again, rolled over on the bed and buried his face in the pillows.

Isabelle was lying right beside him reading a magazine, "I think it runs in the family".

Alec groaned and covered his head with a pillow, "Thanks. Now I'm not sure if I’m sad or worried".

"What's the difference?"

"Well..." Alec made a thinking sound, "being worried is when you're in limbo about a decision… then you become sad when the decision is finally made but not in your favour".

"Then in your case, at least you still have hope so why are you worried?" She put her magazine away and gave him her full attention, "Do you really think he'll leave you for this briskly ex?"

"No… it's not like that," Alec rested his head in her lap, looking up at the ceiling. "It's more like, her showing up might open up old sores that may push Magnus further away from me. I'm just worried that after all my effort and him finally starting to open up, he might just retreat like a hermit crab and if that happens then I honestly wouldn't know what to do".

"You should just let him chase you", Jace walked into the room and also plopped himself on the bed.

"We already tried that, remember?" Alec sighed, "And it didn't work".

"Yes, but things were different then", Jace persisted, "You just said he's starting to open up so, now is the best time to test this absence theory".

"I’m not so sure about that", Isabelle interjected, "Suppose Alec is right and this ex has brought up unpleasant feelings so Magnus ends up pushing him further away?"

Jace shrugged.

And Alec didn't say a word. 

.

"A selfish man is a thief", were the first words Magnus said to Alec the moment he walked up to him at the counter in the library.

Alec looked at him with knitted eyebrows and a frown, "I don't think we have any books here by that title".

Magnus smiled but it was short-lived as his face rolled into something much earnest and serious, "I can't decide if you're Ariel and I'm the prince or if you're the prince and I'm Ariel".

"None of that matters", Alec answered, unable to look him in the eye, "In the end, Ariel didn't get the prince".

"True", Magnus leaned against the counter, "But that's only one version of the same story".

For the first time in the minute since Magnus had walked in, Alec looked up, "What do you mean?"

"Exactly how it sounds", Magnus raised an eyebrow at him, "There are many versions of the same story". 

Alec took in a deep breath, "Magnus, why are you here?"

And Magnus paused, certainly, he was sure Alec would've come running to him with open arms but more than anyone, Magnus also knew that fantasy shouldn't fuck with reality. "I came to ask for your forgiveness for sending you home… but it was necessary".

Alec's hands stopped moving, he'd been scanning the same book for a few minutes now, "Why necessary?"

Magnus cleared his throat, fixed his suspenders and straightened his bow tie, "I needed to properly bury her".

The barcode reader suddenly slipped from Alec's hands, his eyes wide with horror.

"Before you ask, no, I didn’t murder anyone", Magnus held in a chuckle, "But Camille, who by now you've figured out to be a big part of my history, we go back for years… as far back as my youth so you can see how deep she was in my life and, that is why I could do nothing more than to bury her… our past and whatever hold she had on me".

Alec looked at him with furrowed brows and a face full of questions, "I still don't get why you had to send me out. I mean, can you imagine how I felt? Rejected and unimportant. It was only the three of us but I've never felt that humiliated before".

"I know", Magnus clasped his hands in forgiveness, "But—"

"If you did then you wouldn't have", Alec stopped him, his voice a little raised.

"I know…" Magnus tried again, his gestures suggested someone flustered as he became aware of the hurt he'd done, "But I was just so angry and wanted to get everything over and done with".

"Over and done with me?"

"Of course not", Magnus shook his head, "I was just angry at life and my luck for always having bad luck", he flung his hands above his head, "Why is it that the moment we're happy, that's when sadness and confusion and everything bad decide it best to happen?"

Alec ran his hand through his hair and released a long sigh, “I’m so lost. Magnus, what are you trying to say?” 

"I'm saying," he reached across and grabbed Alec's fingers in his, "I'm saying that for half my life, my second ever homemade meal was interrupted and it made me angry because you'd made it for me".

Alec shook his head, "I still don't get why you couldn't have gotten her off your chest while I was there".

"I could've tried", Magnus told him, "But you saw Camille— she's jeering and excels at manipulating others and with you there, she would've just tried to play everything off as a joke and made everything about her and would've taunted you and me and I just wanted to finally live and move on— so I needed her alone where she could only focus on me and what I was trying to tell her without her trying to escape by retaliating and attacking you".

Alec listened, reflected a while and partly he understood but, "And what were you trying to tell her?"

"That your cooking is terrible but is still the best".

Alec wanted to smile and run and hug him but— he took his hand away from Magnus, "What does that have to do with me and the bigger story?"

Magnus, with eyes like a cat that knew it had done something wrong and was regretting it simply replied, "Everything".

"That's still too vague", Alec told him, deciding that he needed everything to be clear blue skies and crystal waters, "Everything is too vague".

So Magnus inhaled, reflected a bit in his usual searching stares, "It's much like Ariel's soul searching but instead, she found Prince Eric… you're the same for me, Alec".

Internally,

Alec cried.

"So are you Ariel or Prince Eric?"

"Neither", Magnus smiled at the ridiculousness of using a fairytale to solve a real life crises, "I’m Magnus Bane and I like you a whole lot, Alec— I like you a whole lot, Alexander... and would love the chance to fall very deeply in love with you".

It was at that point, that Alec thought life was very unfair.

For months he'd tried his best to win this man over and then suddenly, this same man was trying to sell his case and win him over and yet… in the same way, Alec suddenly feared how he truly loved Magnus.

"I don't know…", he finally laid the book in his hands down, "I thought I knew love until this whole thing happened only to realise I near literally battled your past. You said you buried her but there will always be ghosts, won't there? I mean, dead or alive, we never forget a dead one, do we?"

"Of course, not", Magnus answered, already aware of where all that dialogue was going. "Alexander, what can I do?"

"Nothing", Alec answered with frankness in his voice, "This time, the ball is in my court so I'll decide how badly I want to be happy".

Magnus eyebrows furrowed out of fear rather than of curiosity, "Meaning?"

"Three days… If I don’t show up in three days then you'll know…"

"And if you do show?"

Alec looked at him pointedly, "Then we'll start over, plain and simple".

When Magnus left, Alec clutched onto Maia, "Will this playing hard to get really work?" He squeezed her arm, "Suppose he leaves me for good this time?"

"Then why do it in the first place if you're so worried and still want him?" She asked with a confused little smile.

Alec groaned, "Partly because I'm truly pissed at him".

"And…?"

"And partly because I desperately want him to want me the way I want him".

Maia smiled in a supportive sort of gleam, "Sounds to me like unnecessary torture and didn't you try this absence makes the heart grow fonder scam a few weeks back and it backfired?"

Alec let go of her, already feeling defeated, "You're not helping my anxiety".

"I’m just saying he came all the way to the library not to borrow a book but to publicly borrow you on a long term so what do you really want to do?"

Alec again groaned.

.

Day one and a half of three:

"Yeah, you messed up".

Magnus rolled his eyes, "Can you make me feel any worse than I already do?"

"You really messed up", Luke sipped on the pumpkin latte he was having.

Magnus groaned. It was early morning and they were at a coffeehouse not too far from Magnus's place. "Suppose he forgets me?"

Catarina pulled out a chair and sat down, "Is that really what you're worried about?"

Magnus looked over at her, his heart feeling warm… so warm that even if love didn't work out, he would have these two always by his side. "I'm afraid he'll spot the Dorian in me".

"What do you mean?" Luke asked as he took a bite of his toast.

"The same way Dorian saw his true self only when he looked at his painting. It's the same with me, whenever I Iook at Alexander, it's like looking into a mirror because surely, it can't take much for him to see the worst, the most rotten and selfish parts of me. He'll also see that I’m nothing but ordinary and not worth the trouble running after".

"Put it this way…", Catarina looked at him sad eyed and even seemed a little hurt, "If I were Alec then for sure I would've dropped your iffy ass a long time ago".

Magnus sighed again, elbows propped on the table, his chin in his palms, "Then why hasn't he?"

"It's obvious, isn't it?" Luke chimed in, "He might know your past and your bad but so what? We've all got them... a bad past and many bads so maybe, he only wants to focus on your good and your willingness to change and secure himself in your future".

"My point exactly", Catarina arched a daring eyebrow at him, "Or did you bury your self-esteem along with Camille?" 

And Magnus groaned, one elbow still on the table supporting his head that was turned to the side looking outside. "I loved Camille but what I feel for Alexander is different".

"Not love?"

"That's what I’m not sure about… whatever this is for Alec feels stronger".

"So what's the problem?"

"What do you mean by, what's the problem? Cat, what could possibly be stronger than love?"

"Your love for Alec", she answered very plain and simple.

Day two of three:

Alec walked in on Luke deep kissing his mother.

"Yes, carry on with the time of your lives while mine is in shambles".

“Well did you find your answer from our last little chat?” Maryse released herself from Luke much to Luke's pain, deciding to fight it out with Magnus later.

"I want Magnus".

"Then what's stopping you?"

In a sort of contemplative wave, Alec answered, "I feel like this is our last chance so there's no more room for error".

"Alec darling", she cupped his cheeks, "This is not a fairytale. Your life is not a fairytale. Errors are bound to happen. They must".

"But I don't want them to", he flung himself in the couch, feeling low, "I want us to live and learn without feeling we have made grave errors and end up always trying to fix them".

"Yes, but how can you do that without first giving yourselves a chance to mess up and grow?"

With a deep frown Alec looked at her and at Luke and said, "Luke, you have lipstick all over your face".

Day two and a third of three:

On the far side of Brooklyn, down an alley off the main street was stuffed an extravagant nightclub named, Pandemonium, where disco lights dazzled, loud music jeered and patrons gallivanted in all manner of lewdness and happiness.

Apparently,

Alec turned up in boots, black pencil jeans and a black checkered silk shirt and just so, he stood by the entrance in Magnus's line of sight and waited— call it whatever you wish but for some reason, perhaps something in the air shifted but at that moment, as Alec walked in, Magnus looked up and their eyes met, both of them near choked on their own breath. With his heart waging a war against his chest, Alec waited and watched Magnus walk towards him.

"I'm Magnus", he introduced himself, fumbling with his bedazzled jacket, "I don't think we've been formally introduced", he finished, his heart about to leap from his chest and escape through his mouth.

Alec felt a wave of shiver roll over him from head to toe, "Alec", he said, a tiny smile pinned at the corner of his lips.

"Let's start over?" Magnus's tone belayed the need for confirmation so he could release the breath he'd been holding in.

"No", Alec shook his head, "I don't want to start over. I want to continue".

If heaven had a door it would be on Magnus's face.

Magnus had the brightest smile as he breathed in deeply then slowly released, "Then let's continue in the back".

"What's in the back", Alec finally put away all pretenses, one hand already around Magnus leading the way, "Just what do you plan on doing to me in secret?"

Magnus slapped his buttocks, "I’m going to stick my finger up your ass and move it around".

Everyone standing close enough heard Alec's laughter that was way above the jeering disco music.

And just so,

They went to the back room of their first night's rendezvous and as soon as they were inside, Alec pinned Magnus against the door and told him, "Magnus, I love you".

Goosebumps grew on Magnus's arms and in the confusion and temperature of it all, he pressed a finger to Alec's lips, "You're not allowed to say that until I figure you why you love me... why you are so hell-bent on spending time with someone like me".

Alec buried his face in Magnus's neck, "Stop breaking my heart".

Magnus hugged him around the waist. "Would you feel any better if I told you that there's not a single heart that hasn't been broken?"

"No", Alec looked at him soft and earnest but also a little sad, "And what about you? Why do you love me?"

Magnus released a groan, "Because I don't know why or how you can love someone like me".

So Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus's waist, "Then I'll love you more until you fall in love with the person I love".

"I'm a little jealous", Magnus chuckled and embraced him back.

"You have all this colour and yet you're so grey", Alec kissed him on the forehead. 

"Grey is a good shade".

"Yeah, but it doesn't suit you".

Magnus looked at him, smiled a little, closed his eyes and inhaled Alec’s full essence, "Then, are you going to bring out my happiness?"

''Only if you let me", Alec kept his lips pressed against the side of his head.

Another wave of goosebumps covered Magnus all over, "You're allowed", he finally gave him, "But only because you're not bad on the eyes".

Alec laughed, he laughed so hard that tears slipped from the corner of his eyes, "So basically, you only love me for my pretty face, huh? You see? The truth has finally come out."

Magnus looked at him appalled, "Who said anything about you being pretty?"

"So I'm not pretty?"

Magnus groaned, "Stop looking at me with those puppy eyes".

"Why?"

"They make my heart pound".

Alec laughed, wholeheartedly with sparkly eyes, "I'll stop if you kiss me until I'm satisfied".

Magnus sighed even though a contented smile had wrapped itself around his lips, "You, Alexander Lightwood— you're going to make me lose my mind".

"You mean you haven't already?"

Magnus reached in with his lips… could he really trust this reality? "So do you want to have sex now?"

"Naw", Alec rocked them both in the makeshift bed where he… where they had their first time, "I'm so happy right now that I don't even want sex to interrupt us".

Magnus being baffled, would be an understatement, "Then what do you want?"

Alec kissed him behind his ear, breathed him in and then, "I just want to hold you like this and let it sink in that you love me".

"I said nothing about love", he squirmed when Alec tickled his side, laughing very hard, "Hey! Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes, yes", Alec latched his mouth on his cheek and licked him, "I love you, too", he then started to nibble again on Magnus's left ear, "Love is deaf anyway".

"If love is deaf then how should we communicate?"

"First, you turn around and give me your mouth".

"You're really annoying, you know that?" But Magnus did as told, already leant across and was brushing his lips against Alec's.

"And yet you love me".

Alec had really accepted all the parts of Magnus he'd already known on that night of a second chance when kisses tasted of experience and lessons learnt.

And so,

The first time Alec saw Magnus out of makeup was when he was sick. The second time Alec saw Magnus without his glitters was when he'd cut his finger trying to slice a carrot— and the twentieth time Alec saw Magnus without his smokey eyeliner was a morning after.

"What are you looking at?" Alec asked him, his fingers wrapped betwixt Magnus's.

"You", Magnus told him with half his head on the pillow and the other half on Alec's outstretched hand.

Alec brushed a thumb against his cheek, "Then why does it seem like you're looking past me?"

"No, not past you", Magnus assured him with a gentle, honest smile.

"Then past what?"

"The past… now, all I see is a future".

"Your future?"

"No," Magnus leant in and kissed him, "Ours".

~alec & magnus~ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh goodness! Thank you for keeping mi company from start to finish ;)  
I really enjoyed writing this lil snippet to their beginning and look forward to reading what you think ^^


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